marajoowanna. and summer!

would there be any market for king-size papers if it weren't for us stoners? i mean, how many people buy bags of rolling tobacco and smoke huge fucking long cigarettes? what the fuck. i think in my total life experience, i have met one person who smokes rollies, and they used regular-sized papers. (in north america, i mean... everyone's all about the rollies in europe it seems. at least you can buy king-size papers everywhere there, instead of just at head shops.) stoners have clout in the marketplace! ha, the invisible hand of the market does not discriminate against us bakers.

last night was a hell of a drunkfest. haha. me and cam split a 3-litre jug of some of the shittiest white wine you can possibly imagine. it was wretched. and then we were totally wasted, and went to dewaard's bonfire. phew! i woke up in a daze today and booted ass to work... my pants are grass stained because, apparently, i was trying to break a giant board by jumping on it. and was unsuccessful. or rather, i think that i broke the board, but also broke myself in the process. i was told that i was "so drunk" that i fell down and didn't even move to protect my face. just boom like a ton of bricks. har! then i started fighting with my dear friend matt bacon for some reason, as we frequently tend to do at parties... it's all kind of a blur, but i definitely remember that he bit my pinky finger really hard, and it hurts like hell. i'm going to have one of those big black marks under my fingernail, i just know it. i'll never understand why we always fight. it's not even like we get pissed at each other, we laugh the whole time... yet we get drunk and feel like fighting, thus we do. really wussfully, and cheaply. there's usually alot of slapping and kicking involved.

phewweee. and then to cap things off i had the wonderful idea that i would jump over the bonfire that was going... which was successful. but then cam decided that i was "a pussy" for jumping so fast, and then he proceeded to jump onto the fire and dance around on top of it. cam was seriously intoxicated. and then this morning he says to me "why did i wake up with burn holes in my shoes?"

ahh, the joys of cheap wine. i'm trying a different kind tonight, the old standby of classless idiots and middle-aged women, spumante bambino! mmmm... carbonated alcoholic grape juice. i'm gonna get tanked yet again tonight. hooray for summer! then tomorrow i am going to feel like shit, and sleep all day and smoke pot and play video games.

i love the summer.

on the money.

i was looking at a twenty dollar bill just now and noticed something. the new canadian 20 has a quote by gabrielle roy which says "nous connaîtrions nous seulement un peu nous-mêmes sans les arts?" which is translated as "could we ever know each other in the slightest without the arts?"

now, anybody who's more knowledgeable in french than me correct me here but isn't that a mistranslation? shouldn't it be "wouldn't we only know ourselves a little without the arts?"

now, nitpicky that might be, but that's a totally different meaning.

and holding that piece of paper in my hand reading that little text really reminded me of what fictions we base our lives upon. i mean, i've got this little piece of paper in my hand. to get it, i pushed a few buttons on a machine. conceivably it has some connection to the job that i work frequently, but it's sure not a very obvious connection when you think about it. i mean i go into a building, sit in a chair, talk to people and click buttons alot and then every friday the little website that shows me my 'account balance' spits a higher number at me. then i go around doing my thing by pushing series of buttons on atms around the city and painting the town red. all because of these little pieces of paper, with no real meaning. and half the time i don't even see the papers, i just walk around with a little plastic card and push buttons on smaller little machines and suddenly i am the owner of some products!

money is the basic simulacrum of the capitalist state. it means nothing, yet it is everything. everything that surrounds us, even we ourselves are keyed to a specific money value, whether we want to be or not. yet money is nothing in and of itself, but exists only with reference to those things. you can't walk into a bank anywhere and say, hey, here's my piece of paper, now give me twenty bucks worth of gold! and even if you did get the gold, what the fuck is gold but metal out of the ground that for some reason is valuable cos there's not much of it.

the sheer nothingness of the capitalist mode leaves me feeling like a fish on top of a sand dune in the middle of the sahara.

which leads rather nicely into cam's post....

distrust of liberals.

in studying for my communications history course, one of the readings that we had to do concerned the formulation of a communications and computing policy on the part of the canadian government in the early 1970s. and it was all that i could do to get myself through the reading without slashing important arteries, because it was just the most painful shit that anyone could ever have dreamed up. basically the government thought that it would be a good idea to have a national "computer utility" along the lines of power, phone, water, gas, and the like. so businesses could purchase their computing power just like they purchase their hydro! what a good idea!

no, what a terrible idea. the people who thought it up are a bunch of (for lack of a better word) retards. it could never work in a million years, and the debate that surrounded the issue was about as big a waste of time as a government could ever dream up ... and governments waste a lot of time. the real problem was that government bureaucrat types couldn't see past computing technology ever evolving out of the "room full of vacuum tubes" era. and if every government was as idiotic as that particular canadian government, it never would have evolved out of that era.

let's say that the canadian government wasn't presiding over a backwater republic, and that our industries actually had some real influence when it came to computing technology. let's say that for god-knows-what reason, canada was the world's leader in computing technology. and that once computers turned into big hot shit, our government stepped in and nationalized the computer industry and got us a national computer utility. thus we would have big'ol computing plants full of room-sized contraptions of vacuum tubes, and businesses would pay to have those computers do their computing. now what incentive would our good old Computer Utility have to do the kind of research that was necessary to develop microprocessors and personal computers and the internet all that fun stuff? none! none whatsoever. in fact it would be counterproductive to the utility's functioning, because when businesses got microprocessor technology, they wouldn't need to have their computing power piped in from who knows where... instead they could do it in-house, like they do now. plus the whole fact that a computer utility could never, ever work, and is completely retarded. this whole policy debate is a bunch of politicians with absolutely no comprehension of the technologies involved trying to butt into legitimate business like a really drunk guy trying to get into a bar.

so there's my distrust of liberals in a nutshell. i mean, i've got some very liberal points of view in terms of socialized medicine and public broadcasting and monopoly restrictions and that sort of thing ... but when it comes to industry, the invisible hand of the market really is where it's at. it's really kind of a dilemma, after all. public services mean that they don't seek to make a profit from us, which keeps prices down in the short run, keeps distribution egalitarian, and avoids all the troublesome dangers of corporate monopolies like price fixing and the like. yet in the long run, bureaucracies tend to look out for their own interests, and if we're not careful, those same public utilities have no incentive to innovate and to bring prices down in the long run. corporate services seek to profit from us, with all the attendant worries to that fact, but their profit-seeking nature drives them to seek economy and efficiency and avoid wastefulness - those that don't avoid wastefulness just end up going out of business. i suppose after all it's just a question of what services we care most about and what we care most about in each of those services.

i really wish i knew more about economics. hmmm.... one day perhaps.

a broadening of horizons.

so today i stepped in to the room of my oft-referred-to roommate to discover that he was setting up an account on ye olde blogger.com. thus we decided that since i'm always talking about the stupid shit that we do, perhaps we should become collaborators! so we're gonna try a little multi-contributor action and this shit is gonna be flyin' off the heezy like a flock of seagulls in heat. or.... something.

who knows what he'll write about? i sure don't. but the dialectic possibilities are endless. endless i'm telling you! but i can guarantee that he'll rip whatever trend-riding bands stupid people are into these days, because he likes music alot more than i do. plus he's got taste like.... i dunno, somebody tasteful. mr. osmond? no, that reference is just too obscure. ah, well.

c'est tout.

fo'twenny.

so, my site bumped up over 2000 hits in the wee hours of the morning on 4/20. it's karma, i think. impressive! i'm sure that my own visits aren't much more than.... a quarter of that? god, i'm lame.

so much weed got smoked last night. so, so, sooooo much. rolled one joint that required three king-size papers, and a blunt that just straight up pwned my lungs. like whoa. i decided to skimp and not spend friggen 5 bucks on a dutch (because stores here are lame) and i got a dollar-fifty century sam from 7-11 instead; century sam as it turns out tastes like asshole once you get down to the bottom because it's all chemicals and lame shit.

sum total of smokeage is looking like it's in the vicinity of 8 grams, ish? entirely respectable if you ask me. my lungs were hurting though. we were driving and my roommate started all gagging and freaking out because he said that he couldn't breathe. for a minute there i thought i was gonna have to deal with hospital types whilst baked outta my skull, but as it turns out he made it ok sans hospital. phew.

now to study for my three upcoming exams. ralph.

file under: dumbasses, foreign

a dialogue between me and a customer today. just about flipped out.

customer: "hi… could i have hours for… yonge and sixtee office?"
me. "you want the number for what?"
c. "office… yonge and sixtee."
m. "yonge and what?"
"yonge and sixtee."
"yonge street and sixteenth street you mean?"
"yah, yonge and sixtee."
"are you talking about a dealership ma’am?"
"what?"
"a dealership, ma'am... where they sell cars."
"dealer... ship??"
"a toyota dealership… is that what you’re talking about?"
"oh yah, toyota."
"which dealership are you talking about?"
"what?"
"which…dealership… do…you…want…to…call??"
"ummmm… c-e-d-r-i-c."
"what?!"
"c-e-d-r-i-c."
"i don’t understand what you mean ma’am. is that the name of the dealership?"
"ummm… could I have number for yonge and sixtee office?"
"no ma’am, i need to know which dealership you’re talking about."
"um… wilson? i think?"
"ma’am there’s no dealership called wilson. what do you mean??"
"uhh.. yonge and sixtee."
"there’s a lot of dealerships on yonge street, ma’am, i really don’t know which one you mean."
"uhhhh…. is yonge street."
"yeah ma’am, i got that. which one is it!?!?"
"oh… uhh.. it no matter."
"well ma’am, yonge street is pretty long."
"uhhhhhhh.. I service my vehicle!"
"………."

i proceed to give her the address and phone number of a dealership on yonge street, in aurora. if the world works as it should and she remains that ignorant of the english language, hopefully when she makes the appointment she won’t realize that she’ll have to drive for at least an hour through traffic. i love diversity, but if people want to function in this country they should learn the damn language. or get their kids to call places for them. and i mean i'm not complaining about accents... people can't get rid of that shit, and it's fine. i got another asian lady who called right afterwards and she had a little bit of an accent but was entirely polite, and knew what she was asking for at least. accents are one thing... i'm talking about total and absolute incomprehension of the english language. fuck!

facts about beavers.

well i found out something today! in the woods behind my house, there are beavers! i didn't even think we had beavers around here. i thought they were northern types, what with all their fur and suchlike. but we know that there are beavers, because there are trees that are all chewed up and fallen over as a result and also there is a beaver dam. but we did not see any beavers, that was sad. in any case, using the powerful method of scientific inquiry known as making shit up, me and my roommate came to some conclusions about beavers. so here are some fun facts about beavers which you may not have already known! imagine it as a childrens' book about beavers, with illustrations and such, and it'll be a lot more fun. maybe i'll go take some pictures documenting all these facts and you will have no choice but to believe me.

- beavers are space rats, marooned here from another world. by slapping their tails on the water, they think that they can communicate with their home planet. but really, they're beavers, do you really think their tails have that power? fuck no, they live in dams for chrissakes and are fuckups. we know this because we are fuckups. thank god we don't live in a dam.
- beavers love beer. especially lakeport beer, because they don't have a lot of money. sometimes when they get drunk they try to order takeout with their phones, which are made of sticks and mud. this is unsuccessful because a) sticks and mud can't call shit, and b) they have nothing to pay the delivery man with, nor do they have an address. we know this because there was beer and a styrofoam container on the ground near one of their dams.
- when beavers get drunk, sometimes they try to build dams full of stupid shit like garbage and used condoms and lameness. also they forget that they have already got dams, and thus there is three dams in our friggin crick. each one is progressively more poorly built. that is how we know that they are drunkass fools. we think that maybe they got into a fight and decided to go build their own individual dams.
- beavers eat foods such as: corn on the cob, shish kabob, and celery. also anything else that they can chew around, such as a human leg, or a dick. we know this because beavers like to chew.
- the problem with the show Spin City was that michael j. fox didn't do enough werewolf stuff. the plot would have been much better if he was a werewolf working in a mayor's office and he had an insatiable lust for flesh. we think that he could solve the city's homeless problem by eating them! also his show should feature such characters as: Voltron, Super Mario, and Donald Duck.that didn't have anything to do with beavers.
- beavers live in filth and excrement. we know this because their crick smelled like pee. they probably just pee in there all the time and don't even care. beavers suck.
- AIDS came into the country from a hunter who had sex with a beaver. all that bullshit about africa and monkeys is just a scam by the africans to promote tourism.
- beavers obviously aren't very hard workers, because their dams just look like a big pile of shit. they should probably go to jail because you know damn well they're behind on property taxes for their dams. because we all know beavers don't have any money.

in summation, beavers are probably the highest form of intelligence on the planet earth. we should all bow down before our beaver overlords. and let them eat our legs if we have to. if we're lucky, in our next lives we can be reborn as beavers.

honey pot?

if you put a bunch of beehives in the middle of a field of reefer, would the honey that they make have THC in it?? because like, if you put a bunch of bees next to a clover field, you get clover honey, etc... so if you put a bunch of bees in a pot field, you'd have pot honey. they'd go around pollinating all of the weed plants and then carry the (thc-laden) pollen back to the beehive and make honey out of it. and then if you cooked with it you'd just get ripped!

hmmm...

i thought of this while i was standing outside smoking a joint and blowing the smoke onto a bee. it started flying all erratically, it was funny.

mmmm, i wish i had a field of reefer. i remember when they were growing industrial hemp near my hometown... driving by those fields just made me so happy. so what if you'd have to smoke a kilo of it to get high, it's still a whole field of pot plants! just warms the heart, really.

day of rest.

the only days that i don't really mind coming to work are saturday and sunday. especially at 7 am. last night i passed out on my friend's couch and woke to the delightful strains of my cell phone alarm at 6:30 am. hurl.

last night i shotgunned a beer for the first time. tall can no less. ouch. i'm such a pussy; i can't believe that i haven't done that til now. shame!

in any case i was pretty in the bag. and although i was loath to leave the comfort of that shitty old couch this morning, i knew that it was just a few short blocks to work, where i could go and sleep of the rest of my drunk in an uncomfortable office chair. it's definitely a shitty way to sleep and my neck is all fucked now from it. but it's so nice to get paid to sleep. this morning's sleep netted me approximately 44 dollars, less taxes and EI. thank you workplace!

littering is good.

so i was all driving along the highway with mon cher papa ce soir, and talking about contractarianism. and he was all, "oh, those people who litter on the side of the highway" blah blah, littering is bad because they think oh they'll just do it themselves and nobody else will do it.

but i've always been of the opinion that littering doesn't really matter for shit. i mean, humanity is basically a cancerous growth on the surface of the earth. we fucking eat up all its resources and kill it and we're completely unsustainable. that doesn't mean that i hate humanity. i mean, fuck, i'm human. i bet that each individual cancerous cell probably roots for the tumor, don't you think? it's not like cancer is all self-hating like "oh, finally, chemotherapy, come to wipe us dirty shameful fuckers out of existence." no, they're all, "shit, this blows!"

but that doesn't mean we need to cover up our cancerousness by sending all of our waste off to landfills. i mean i can understand wanting to minimize impact by not throwing six-pack rings into the lake where they're gonna kill helpless little precious birdies. but there's no helpless little precious birdies playing in the filth alongside the freeway, so i'm damn well gonna throw my garbage wherever the hell i want. i don't think that we really accomplish much of anything by covering up how utterly and gluttonously consumerist we all essentially are.

hell, maybe if we live in our own filth we'll be a little more enthusiastic about actually limiting the amount of filth we spew out.

on blind, backward, deist fucks.

so i'm sitting here reading this salon article about the religious right and all their fun stuff, and it's gotten me to thinking about one of my earliest 'favourite' web sites, operated by one libertarian nerdalike type called mr. lizard who is apparently categorized as a "Militant / Extremist" according to the filter on my internet here at work.

in any case, he holds some particularly radical views, one of my favourite being that the American constitutional right to bear arms exists so that the populace has the means for revolution in any situation where the government has stepped over the line. that little gem in itself was enough for my views on gun control to swing way the fuck to the right. and besides, i think that anyone lefty-minded who's against restrictions on drugs, abortion, or any of those "look what happens when it's illegal" type issues should think hard about gun control. personally, i'd rather have guns being sold in shops than in back alleys. america's problem with gun violence isn't because they have easy access to guns, and canada's lack of a problem isn't because we don't. it's because the entire american culture is bowed at the altar of the easy fix. and what fix is easier than a firearm? no more debate, no more discussion, no more pesky bleeding-heart fucker, cos he's dead on the pavement. whether it's assault weapons, xanax, diet pills, or fanaticism, american culture is constantly looking for the way out that requires the least effort, responsibility, or critical thought.

and reading the distinctly liberal slantings of salon.com's republican quotes got me to thinking about that defunct beast of a parchment scrap, the US constitution. basically the republicans are trying to rein in what they see as an 'out-of-control' judicial branch of the government. and, as salon's incisive commentators have noted, what they really mean is out of their control.

and that's why they object. they're pissed because they can't get the judicial wing to be blind and stupid like they are, and get its ass into gear legislating private morality. so in a classic example of a total non sequitur, they're painting this reluctance to play mommy as an 'assault on the constitution.'

but that's the point of a constitution. a constitutional democracy isn't better than a plain-jane democracy because it gives the masses more lawmaking power, it's better because it gives them less. democracy in its purest, sickest form, is nothing more than unrestrained mob rule. and it's reared its ugly head throughout the history of democracy. in canada and the us during world war two, the masses decided that it'd be a good idea to round up all those pesky asians and stick'em in camps, cos it meant that they'd be a bit safer. in argentina, the masses decided that peron was somehow desirable, and essentially chose for themselves an authoritarian regime. in islamic states, the masses think it's good for adulterous women to have big friggin rocks hucked at them.

do we want any of those things? would our countries be decent places to live if they were the rule rather than the exception? no!

thus, the founding fathers of the grand u.s. of a, and those involved in the creations of constitutions for all the various democratic states that have them, created those documents with the goal of limiting the power of the masses to make laws. because they understood human idiocy. they understood that for some people, regulating their own personal morality isn't enough, and they have to stick their bulbous, cocky little noses into everyone else's business as well. and they created a set of restrictions on what exactly people could make laws about. they couldn't make them restricting what people could say, they couldn't make them restricting peoples' rights to fair judicial process, they couldn't make them restricting a hell of a lot of things.

but dammit, this growing community of blind, backward, deist fucks has decided that those restrictions are getting in the way of the nation they want to build! it's like they want to invade Iran not because of any moral objection, but because they're damn well jealous. these people believe that homosexuality should be punishable by death, along with adultery, and the practice of abortion. (irony? no.) they honestly think that amurrica would be better off as a friggin caliphate and that the president should take his directives from jaysus himself, not any bleeding-heart fucks who believe in some heathen 'liberty.'

am i the only person who thinks it's kind of ironic that there's never been two enemies with more inflammatory rhetoric than fundamentalist christians and fundamentalist muslims, yet there's almost no perceptible difference between the ideology of the two groups? the only thing keeping those focus on the family types from blowing shit up is the fact that they basically run the current government. i swear, they get that power taken away, and it'll be focus on the christian holy war featuring jerry bin falwell and james al-dobson.

file under: institutions, outdated.

so the pope's been laid to rest. and with him a rather unfortunate legacy. or at least what seems to be, if we accept the propaganda puked up by the religious right.

johnny p. was indeed quite the social conservative, but we also shouldn't forget that for all the religious right's appropriation of all things religious for devious neocon ends, the catholic church is still a surprisingly liberal institution.

i read an interesting article in the NYT last week about how GWB has appropriated the pope's "culture of life" terminology from his last encyclical in order to resonate with catholic voters. and while the pope is indeed a hardliner on contentious issues like abortion, women in the clergy, and same-sex marriage, one shouldn't accept this neocon appropriation at face value. the 'culture of life' is a lot more than just not having abortions - it's distinctly focused on workers' rights and living conditions, pacifism, distribution of wealth, preservation of natural resources, and many many other things. not least of which is an absolute opposition to the death penalty. reconcile your policies with that, neocons. which is why it made me sick when american councils of priests told their congregations that they were obligated to vote for GWB because he was the 'pro-life' candidate. gosh, 17355 dead iraqis... is that pro-life? 152 executed prison inmates in texas... is that pro-life? blatant profiteering, corporate cronyism, and union-busting... are any of these things pro-life? just because you don't think that people should be allowed to kill babies doesn't instantly make you "pro-life."

anyways, back to the church. i support reproductive rights. but the idea of women in the clergy is kind of troublesome to me, kind of for the same reason that it troubles me when women stay in unfulfilling relationships. why do women want to enter the clergy so badly when the central authorities of the church don't want them to? i think that the church's banning of female priests is emblematic of a much larger problem in its worldview that's not simply going to be fixed by letting women into the clergy. even the gospels that the church chooses as canonical are carefully chosen and edited to minimize the role of women in the life of Jesus. the catholic church is an essentially patriarchal institution, and i don't think that it will ever be truly reformed.

maybe i just don't really understand what it's like, but it seems to me like the efforts put into lobbying for the vatican to ordain women could be more usefully spent in the creation of a church with a doctrine that was egalitarian right from the get-go. quit pining for the acceptance of an institution that's not interested, and get one that is.

minds that work too much.

when i lay in bed at night, my brain just goes.

i have the worst kind of insomnia. i can't sleep for shit at night. but i sure as hell don't have any trouble staying asleep. when i wake up all i want to do is go back to sleep. and often i just do, of my body's own will, whether i'm at work or in class or whatever.

i don't necessarily think bad thoughts, though i do occasionally. really i just think. i have so much trouble with the suspension of thought, like, from the moment i lay in bed. it's like my rebellious little neurons say whee! time to pick away at the mysteries of the universe, you stonebag.

if only my mind would race whilst i was awake, and i could set it to some task or something. but during the day i just want to lay around and smoke weed. it's like i'm not fully awake until it's time to go to bed again. then i can't sleep for shit so i'm tired as hell all day and i'm not really awake until it's time to go to bed again. and so on ad infinitum til my little brain wears out and i sleep for 12 fuckin hours like i did last night.

and the fact that i slept til 2pm today is not gonna help me sleep tonight in time to not sleep through logic tomorrow morning. so i smoked a joint, which i chased with a shot of southern comfort, which i chased with an ativan.

and i think i'll sleep alright soon. through til tomorrow night perhaps.

don't fill up on words.

if anyone doesn't know fischerspooner then they should. the new album, odyssey is just fucking unbelievable. it's the first album i can remember hearing in a long time where every song is just spot-on. there's not a weak track on the thing. all these 80's wannabe killers type bands really start to annoy me when there's music out there like this. fischerspooner is like, the 80s mentality reintepreted for contemporary purposes in a contemporary medium. while these other bands are like... faux 80's kitsch glorification. in any case, it's a wicked album. get it.

i had a hell of a time finding the thing... it's not on any of the torrent sites. i ended up using bincrawler to get it. i really had no idea how much stuff there was on usenet, file-sharing wise. impressive. it's kind of a bitch to get used to, and torrents are faster, but there's alot of obscure stuff. xnews is a good freeware newsreader.

.../...

on ephemerality.

i had a really deep thought earlier today, and i said to myself. shit, i'm gonna write that fucker down.

but you know what, i was stoned as shit and i totally forgot. so this here post is gonna just sorta ramble its way into a coherent thought. coincidence: i am also stoned as shit right now. i almost typed "slow" just there instead of "also", but that would have been equally true.

thoughts really just come and go for me. i swear there's been times when i've been lying in bed at night insomniacking and i've come up with the solutions to every philosophical dilemma that ever was. but i'm too lazy to get up and write it down and the next morning i can't remember a damn thing. note that this could probably only happen if all of the world's philosophical dilemmas could somehow be solved by chee-tos.

i went and smoked a joint in an indian village next to my house today. yes, there is an indian village! when my dog dies i'm gonna bury it there and see if we can't raise us up some dead shit like in that movie. then i'll have to put the satanic dog in the food processor or something, and like maybe knives will start flying around my house and it'll all just be crazy. and then like the whole house will start spewing blood out of like power sockets and shit and probably there'll be demons and whatnot. then linda blair will start pleasuring herself with a crucifix. who even fuckin knows. like when you live in a house thats fuckin seconds literally seconds from some ancient crazy mystical shit, you gotta be prepared for these things.

but i've got the feeling that they prolly just hit up the ol' sweat lodge and smoked some green tobacco and told each other crazy stories. that's my kind of religion; you get high on drugs and talk about shit with your friends. well fuck me, suddenly getting to church just isn't a problem! did you know that, for all the shit surrounding the tobacco companies "adding" nicotine to their cigarettes, the entire process by which tobacco is cured is a process to remove nicotine. cured tobacco has a fraction of the nicotine of green tobacco. the peace pipe deal? shamans would pack a bowl of this green tobacco and come within a hairs' breadth of a nicotine overdose and pass out. then they would tell what they saw. and peyote... well, i can't help but believe that those indians were on to something. i took mescaline and acid one time and could feel all human life as though it was a part of my own body. it was like i was physically joined to every other person by way of these like, bony outcroppings on my back. like a human internet. no shit. note also that i was alone in the room at that time.

i just got done reading this book, skinny legs and all by tom robbins... good one i thought. he's not my favourite weirdo pomo type, but i think he's the one that i'd most resemble were i to write such a book. he's alot more insightful. but one would hope that i would get alot more insightful before i'd subject people to reading something i wrote. so many really really interesting passages and an excellent plot ... but with this faint feeling like maybe he was trying a little hard. he's no foster wallace, but he's not really trying to be. liked it ... here's one of the passages that just stuck with me:

"she was just thinking about how no amount of money could buy security, and if it could, it would be a bad bargain at any price, since security was a form of paralysis, just as satisfaction was a form of death... abruptly her mind was occupied with notions of time, history, and the afterlife. She saw that the past was a recent invention, that people sacrificed the present to a future that never really came, that those who tied all of their dreams to an afterlife had no life for there to be an 'after' of; saw that time was a meadow not a highway; that the psyche was an all-night restaurant, not a museum or a church; and that on every conceivable level, belief in a hereafter was hazardous to health."

i feel like whatsisname, levar burton, on reading rainbow. i just need some stock footage of a bunch of retards mumbling about wizards.

sorry, i should be more politically correct. i meant stock footage of a bunch of retards mumbling about thaumaturgical engineers.

ummm so i think that's about all. to sum up :

1. my memory sucks cos i'm a stonebag.
2. indians are fuckin crazy, sometimes they smoke green tobacco and pass out. other times they resurrect your dog or even your wife and make all kinds of fucked up shit happen, then you have to put the dog in the food processor. you'd need a big food processor for your wife, your best bet is to feed her to the dog before you put it in the food processor.
3. i read books sometimes
4. star trek the next generation was fuckin wicked. geordi laforge is original gangsta!



"peace out, homie!"

file under, did not see THAT coming.

so, tonight i find out that my parents are splitting up, apparently.

um, what the fuck?! i mean, i'm not even sure how long they've been married, but i'm thinking easily 20ish years. seeing as i'm 19.

without airing too much of my peculiar family's dirty laundry, let me state that one parent (who shall remain nameless) has been historically the one to 'stray' from the confines of ye olde marital bliss. and has brought no small amount of discontent to parent #2 in so doing. and i find out tonight, that parent #2 would seem to have learned from example, and is pursuing their own particular brand of extracurricular activity. well ain't that poetic justice.

as you may have guessed, i'm not exactly rah-rah on the matrimony thing. and if they want to break up, let 'em go. i couldn't really care either way. i'm a long way past the whole, i need my parents to be a perfect happy little unit, mostly cos they never really were. and maybe if they both find a little more satisfaction in their own lives they'll stop living vicariously through mine so much.

like the selfish asswad that i am, though, i've come to question the implications of this discovery for my own life and extracurricular activities. and i'm sarcastically saying that i'm a selfish ass, cos i sincerely think that my own life is the only part of this debate that i want to or should get into. the politics of matrimony don't even come close to interesting me. remind me not to ever pull that bullshit.

so i'm thinking, this means that i'm going to be living with my dear old pops 24/7. since after all, the only thing sending him back to cha-damn on the weekends was my ol' mam. and i was perfectly happy with the arrangement that we had. i got parental supervision four nights a week to keep me from turning into an utter doped-up moron, plus use of his car, plus weekends of freedom. plus i pay no rent. all was well. but i didn't friggin sign on to be living with a parental unit seven days a week. thus i am put in the most awkward position of all time. i mean, i love both my parents to bits, but i'm not big on the idea of constant parental supervision anymore. so what the fuck am i to do? do i hit my poor old dad while he's down from a pretty traumatizing experience, and tell him that i really don't want to live here anymore? or do i shut up and live another two years under the sad spectre of parental influence? jesus, if that ain't the million dollar question.

*sigh*

if i've ever had a week of friggin drama, this has been it. my laid-back stonerdom has been taxed to its limits. i wouldn't say that i'm exactly 'stressed,' more just concerned for the continued enjoyability of my living conditions.

ah well. it is what it is.

to myself, and to anyone looking for some peace of mind, here's this. my most beloved passage from any book ever, the final rolling cadenza of on the road. the first time i finished reading this book i was shaking by the last chapter, and i broke down and wept for a good five minutes as i read the last sentence.

"So in America when the sun goes down and I sit on the old broken-down river pier watching the long, long skies over New Jersey and sense all that raw land that rolls in one unbelievable huge bulge over to the West Coast, and all that road going, all the people dreaming in the immensity of it, and in Iowa I know by now the children must be crying in the land where they let the children cry, and tonight the stars'll be out, and don't you know that God is Pooh Bear? the evening star must be drooping and shedding her sparkler dims on the prairie, which is just before the coming of complete night that blesses the earth, darkens all rivers, cups the peaks and folds the final shore in, and nobody, nobody knows what's going to happen to anybody besides the forlorn rags of growing old, I think of Dean Moriarty, I even think of Old Dean Moriarty the father we never found, I think of Dean Moriarty."

sometimes there's so much beauty in the world.

hey, now.

it's nice to know that not all conservatives have been brainwashed into believing GWB's neo-fascist doctrine or its overthetop idiotic populist rhetoric.

alright freedom!

oh, and another good one.

da freakin' pope, part two.

so he's gone.

i'd like to announce my candidacy......

haha. seriously though. he was... the pope. and my feelings toward him are... ambivalent. it's sad when people die though. poor lil fella.

in any case here's an interesting article about that freakin' pope and our favourite coke-addled redneck. check it out, it's a good read. you have to watch like some lame ad or something, stupid corporate salon.com. they're still good though. good stuff.

c'est tout.

da freakin' pope...

alright here's me posting a completely unsupported rumor that i'm too lazy to fact-check, but which was reported to me by this guy at work who's into jesus i think, so i think he might know what he's talking about. so what he said was that the pope's request has been that in order to verify he is still alive, they have to say his baptismal name to him and tap him on the head three times. that's it.

ummmmmmmm....

what happened to prolonging life? when the highest authority of the catholic church decides that doctors should decide he's dead via a test that he would fail if he drank a little too much wine at communion and dozed off good? fuck, my grandpa has parkinsons' and he would fail that test when he was awake.

i'm all for his right to die in peace and whatnot. but couldn't his church get a consistent position?

gmail funkin owns.

okay, so anyone who's not on gmail yet needs to be. (i've got tons of invites, if you want.) google is taking over the world. gmail is soon to have 2gb of space, with a yet-to-be-determined amount to be added daily. no fucking way. and gmail now gets rich text support. plus even if you do have gmail if you don't have the gmail notifier, you are so far from l33t that it's not even funny. plus now google searches preload the first result into your firefox cache, so it loads superfast. oh, and if you're not using firefox, you are hurting your computer. your computer cries itself to sleep every night because of all the damn micro$hit that's clogging it up.

i just realized that every damn piece of software on my computer is pirated, freeware, or open-source. from my OS to my word processor to my apps, i haven't purchased a single piece of software for this computer. thank you torrentspy!

i haven't posted anything forever, so i'll probably write something at work tonight? i don't know, my brain has been emptied by term papers. stupid term papers.