Monday, June 20, 2005

ze bastard promotion

patriot! patriot! patriot!

word up!

ze bastard synthetics is nearing its final stages. i can now report that the final 7 tracks are ready to be mixed, mastered, and eaten alive. when the record and accompanying artwork are finalized the cd can be purchased through the Effortless Records website...or from me...actually....fuck it.....i'll just put them in a flea market.

oh...and here's the tasty camel tracklisting:

1.) The Daisyland Massacre (Alloyed Tyranny)
2.) Synthetic Mormon Minstrels
3.) Crooked Forest (Hunt for the Plastic King)
4.) Plastic Regicide
5.) Slow Motion Rejoice
6.) Stakes and Hammers
7.) The Return of the Sun to the Daisyland Shores

......time to find some beer and eat a kitten!!

Saturday, June 18, 2005

crazy glue...and crazy girls.

what the fuck is up with anti-depressants and why the hell is every single fucking girl i know on them? are all girls just totally tweaked out in the brain, or is it maybe (just maybe) that you're all just overexaggerating a little?

it seems a bit far fetched that such a large group of human beings have THAT much trouble dealing with daily life. Forgive me if this offends anybody out there in blogdonia, but how fucking difficult do you people think it actually is to get through a day? Wake up, feed yourself, poop (perhaps a couple times depending on your diet) talk to some people (mostly about a celebrity couple or two), eat again, talk to some more people (talking is your mouth and it magically communicates with other life forms). It really is a lot easier than people think to survive in this's all about perspective, not mental or physical limitations.

Psychosis in any form always seems to be a diagnosis reserved for people who behave in ways that psychologists don't deem normal (this sounds like a pretty understandable definition...but let's think this through people). It seems petty, superficial, and completely baffling to me to think that people actually trust psychologists....i had the privilege of taking an introductory psychology course...and for the most part it all seemed like a bunch of exaggerated bullshit. Anytime people allow themselves to be pinned down by a label of any kind and completely embrace the expected behaviour which comes with their defined role it immediately stunts their ability to evolve. It's sad to think that people would trust anyone but themselves to get through a troubling time or situation. YOU CAN DO IT!! YOU CAN DO IT!!

i may have lost my point...and now i'm bored of i will leave you with this little piece of wisdom:

carnation instant breakfast
the finest in the land
always keep a can on hand
no tits to pull
no hay to pitch
just punch a hole in the son of a bitch

.......courtesy of Noodles and the wit and wisdom that comes with 80 years of AWESOME!!

Monday, June 13, 2005

sexy lick and the pigtailed railroad.

"For that to happen I'd have to be such a fundamentally different person than I am now that I don't care what happens to THAT me...that's not who I am."
- alasdair mcmillan (June 12, 2005)

The world is collapsing beneath me...
i can feel the tentacles of relaxtion
swarming the banana belt!!!!

in these troubled times it is important to remember the carrots in your life.

Saturday, June 11, 2005


so it's 8pm on a saturday, and i've got three more hours to go at work. i went home and got baked on my lunch, so i'm okay. though being stoned at work is only moderately better than being not-stoned, because it's still mind-numbingly boring. plus, 90% of the activity i do here involves reading, and i find that bakedness isn't particularly conducive to reading. most other things, yes, but reading like, a novel or something involves a sort of concentration and fixation that i find hard to sustain when high. but i am reading the washingtonienne archive and getting all sorts of prurient satisfaction from the sex lives of the ruling class.

anyhow, this is just going to be a hell of a lot of pointless musings over the next three hours or so. interspersed with long breaks of me doing other things. yet thanks to the glory of the written word, you won't even know that i've been gone. it'll just look like this:

and then you'll know that i spent some portion of time doing something that was not writing. likely getting food, or a drink, or rolling a joint, or frittering my time away on the internet in some non-blogging fashion (though likely by reading blogs). oh, the beauty of the paragraph. time collapses and is finally made orderly by the text.

a lady just called me parce-qu'elle voulait dire qu'elle avait toujours eu du bonne service de toyota, and it was just so special. that, more than anything is what makes me hate my job. the mindless idiot losers who rant and foam at the mouth are the ones who et any attention and for whom anything happens. whilst when nice ol' granny lady calls in because she's really happy that everything is fine, i just say thanks, and she's completely forgotten. people like her should get a damn gift basket or something. thanks, lady, for brightening my otherwise-irritable day. the squeaky wheel gets the grease, i suppose.

that's always the way, and i think it's one of those sad unassailable facts about human nature. fearmongering trumps hope, sensationalism trumps substance, and the fear of the negative always seems to trump a desire for the positive. that's essentially the impetus behind the conservative shift in america and anywhere else that a conservative shift might occur. the meek pale liberal saying "here's how i can try to make your life better" is alot less telegenic than the fat ruddy conservative saying "we're all fucked unless you do whatever the fuck we tell you! be afraid, little weenies of the world, be fucking afraid!" and then even the weenie liberals give in and say, oh no, the world is a big scary place and we need to defend ourselves against it! shut the fuck up, all of you. the only reason you guys have anything to defend yourselves against, is because other people who think exactly the way you do, think they need to defend themselves against you. your defense is another's offense. the act of 'defending' by necessity creates the entity against which all must be defended. and now the bridge has been crossed, it's been burned. when everyone is pointing guns at each other, only an idiot would be the first one to put his or hers down.

i hate having to use the phrase "his or hers." i wish that english was still elegant like french, and we could just say ils without worrying about it. i mean i know, apa guidelines and all, and i believe that everyone should be entitled to equal linguistic enfranchisement, but it's such a damn hassle, and it's so inelegant. we need a neuter possessive pronoun. i think i'm going to have a protest. a pronoun protest. and you know what really pisses me off? profs who say that it's acceptable to use "hers" as gender-neutral. feminists like that are to chauvinists what fundamentalist christians are to fundamentalist muslims. identical in all but name. (and, yeah, picky things like car-bombings, but i say it's merely a question of their respective situations and political power) oppressed groups who don't demand enfranchisement but instead a reversal of the traditional oppression.... well, they just deserve to stay oppressed until they understand the real definition of equality.

this made me wonder... who actually waits in line for a bar for that long? 1 and a half hours? i mean, 10, 15 minutes is pushing it for me. and i mean, obviously some people have to be waiting that long, or else there wouldn't be a lineup that long. not the kind of people i'd want to hang out with, though. like, you're just going into a crowded room to get wasted with your friends. why wait to go into one, when you could not wait, and go into a different one?


that's enough.

Friday, June 10, 2005


(cam 4:15)

Dear gangsters of disaster,

I would like to announce the simple fact that partisan politics are the most mind numbingly irritating and unnecessarily useless form of politics ever created. I am fucking sick of this stupid and heartless institution. IT DOESN'T WORK!!! IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!! why would we ever support a system which seems to inspire such ignorance and misunderstanding. Do we really sit back believing that the constant and consistently counterproductive bickering between two seemingly different parties is going to aid in the direct benefit of the citizenry? (these so called differences exist on an imaginary level deep in the souls of small incorporated gap babies). I hate this fucking system...forcing me to sit back and watch two fuck-witted insomniacs argue about the "motivations" of the other's political endeavours. At what point do we look not at the motive for action but at the action itself? I am desperate to find the truth behind the supposed benefit of a partisan state. Waiting months and years for decisions on nonsense legislations (most of which don't belong on a legislative level).

if a dude wants to live with another dude and put his penis in that dude's asshole while shaving the cock of another dude who is working up a fart so he can pass gas in his face while he eats out the ass of a 67 year old Shaman, it doesn't bother me...and best of all...IT DOESN'T FUCKING CONCERN ME!!!!! Why are we wasting time crying about whether or not two guys are going to get a tax break every year because they are recognized by a bunch of old white men as a married couple?

WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE THINKING?...people are fucking dying...PEOPLE ARE FUCKING DYING PEOPLE!!....i'm just as selfish as the next modern male in the fast paced 21st century but let's get real, our world is fucking SICK!! We basically watch people die on television's disturbing enough, why do we get so passionate about silly and useless domestic "problems" in the world of politics? WHY DOES IT MATTER? leave me out of your bedroom.

Watching politics unfold on television today is not unlike watching a schoolyard fight between two retarded 8 year olds after the sudden realization that all the swings have been taken over by bigger, tougher, less deformed children and that one of the kids has mistaken his yogurt for his companion's. It's enough to make a person join the growing number of canadians who seem less interested in politics and more interested in things that are real (on a metaphorical and literal level). The simple fact is that today's politics don't support or directly benefit any citizens (i'm not exaggerating...think about it...what government programs REALLY and CLEARLY aid you in any noticeable way?). This is not an argument about the wealth of politicians or the constant corporate stronghold on political ambitions and leanings...this is simply an argument against the existence of the current political system (or at least against the blue-collar North Americans' interest in said politics).

it's pointless banter, silly bullshit and annoying cock fighting...i can't go on like this...all of this methods of discursive politics do everything BUT provide and produce any real legislation which benefits the HEALTH, INDIVIDUALITY, SANITY or CREATIVITY of makes me want to cry (if it wasn't for the fact i am currently eating an ice cream cone...MMMMMMMM ICE CREAM!!!



cha cha cha

ze kam.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Plastic Regicide

I am for your tasty plastic pleasure.

okay...taking a break from critiquing the political and cultural blandscape to offer you (the consumers of said blandscape) a news flash!!!

Local Psycho-Indie Warriors SQUARE ROOT OF MARGARET are gearing up for their biggest show yet. Po and the gang are preparing for a huge performance in Hamilton opening for Elephant Six pioneers OF MONTREAL...this is going to be an insane show, and it all goes down August 30! other, less interesting news:

I (cameron michael murray) have been working on a silly little recording project under the name HEY! DEATH?...

as of sunday I finished the initial recording at InTouch studio with the assistance of my brother Liam and Matt Workman from Effortless records. The CD will be out at the end of the month as a five song EP, with a single to be released a week or so earlier.

check out for more in depth details, and some hot pictures of the man in pink.

the record is a concept EP about eating paste, killing synthetic kings, and chilling out with a mormon minstrel has good songs, shitty songs, and dirty songs....mostly a combination of the last two.

Ze Bastard Synthetics is just the first of many releases I will create and put out...this one was my first chance in a studio environment so there are still many things I need to learn before I can guarantee anything brilliant.............but i will guarantee that this record has the potential to make people vomit in awe, confusion, and sexual anxiety!!

anyways.....i need to eat a cucumber and read up on HOW TO EAT A CUCUMBER


ze cam

Monday, June 06, 2005

delusional old man rambles a bit, is ignored.

today in the vatican, a silly old man in a dress gave a long, boring speech. in a move closely followed by the world's elderly and/or foolish, he confirmed once again that the growing community of religious idiots thinks birth control, same-sex marriage, and freedom are all serious dangers to the moral fiber of humanity. furthermore, he advised the applauding throng of dimwits that sex itself was pretty questionable, and that every time two adult heterosexual partners engage in it, they had damn well better be married, and in the mood to raise another irritating child.

idiots of the world on hand to listen to this geezer prattle on gave his words a few moments' thought, and then promptly forgot them. after a few hours of smug self-satisfaction and fingerpointing, they happily went on with their lives, as before, engaging in adultery, fornication, sodomy, bestiality, licentiousness, contraception, bawdy talk, cunnilingus, fellatio, masturbation, on-line viewing of pornography, titillation, dominoes, the "charleston," and the lending of money at interest.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

on ethics, the law, and SWAT 4.

so, i've been playing a hell of a lot of swat 4 lately. it's pretty addictive. and kinda weird. a simulation of being a cop is just so interesting. it's even more interesting when i'm smoking a bowl whilst i order my squad to thunk some old lady with a beanbag fired out of a shotgun.

while i'm playing, it raises some interesting ethical issues. (yes, i CAN and DO apply critical theory in a lame, baked way to every damn thing in the world. buzzkill, i know.) so according to this game, everyone that's on the scene, no matter who they are, has to be zipped up in these little zippy plastic cuffs, cos, like, you never know who's gonna whip out a gun and blow your brains out. but this puts you in the interesting predicament of sometimes having to put the taser to a nurse just because she doesn't want you to tie her up and leave her there on the floor. which is pretty idiotic. like, you could obviously just cuff her whether she wanted you to or not. but still, say it's a burly guy who you don't want to wrestle to the ground? i mean are you really justified in dealing these people a hell of a lot of pain just cos you're afraid they might cap you in the back? cos i mean, it's a legitimate concern.

like, one girl who was dressed all nicely and was entirely not "Suspect" looking material whatnot was not "complying" (aka putting her hands up) , so i pulled out the taser thinking, god, i have to electrocute another innocent bystander. and while i'm about to hit her with it, she pulls out a gun, and i zap her before she can shoot me. and it's like, wow. good thing i didn't just leave her there. (at this point you are thinking, what a fucking nerd. how long can he go on about this for? a long fucking time, lemme tell you.) not only could i have tasered her without receiving a penalty for "unauthorized use of force," but i could have capped her in the knee and yelled at her, and still been within the bounds of my rights as a simulated officer of the law. so i mean, i'm as ACLU as the next guy, but maybe people who won't just shut up and let themselves get cuffed when there's heavily-armed maniacs running around deserve a few thousand volts. unless they've got a pacemaker and they die. so cops should just say, hey, you got a pacemaker? with the taser out, and then hopefully the implied threat will be enough to shut them up.

and the whole 'unauthorized use of force' thing also got me to thinking as well! every damn thing gets me to thinking. and that's why i'm up at 2:30 in the damn morning.

in the one instance i was thinking about, i used my magical sniper control feature (which is so fuck'n cool. oh shit.) to cap three militia-type dudes that were walking around in the room of a building with AK-47s. and i got deducted 30 points, for unauthorized use of force. but come on. these people are not just casually exercising their constitutionally-protected right to bear arms. they're in a building that's been occupied by terrorists, they're dressed like terrorists, they're armed like terrorists ... i think that anyone would be justified in leaping to the conclusion that they're probably terrorists. i don't know what real-world limits on usage of force would say about something like that. but i say, from the perspective of a nerd wanting to get more points and a citizen wanting to save the lives of police, rather than terrorists - if these obvious terrorists can be picked out of thin air by a sniper on top of a building and have no chance to fuck with anything, they oughta go for it.

a different unauthorized use of force penalty got deducted when i emptied half a clip into the back of another cop, who happened to be standing between me and a criminal type. now ... that seems pretty justified i guess.

haha. if you read to the end of this post, then congratulations, you're probably a nerd like me! talk about video games for that fucking long; who do i think i am?

Thursday, June 02, 2005

This is NOT the slow, sick, sucking part of me!

Rise patrons of sexuality! Your slave master has returned from beyond the grave.

Did you miss me?

It has been a death defying two week break from the confines of blogdom for myself, my girlfriend (note: girlfriend may not exist) and my care takers (I visited the future last Friday and apparently I am put into a home quite a few years earlier than the average person). I return to you with added wit, wisdom, and a bonus sun tan!

Alright alright!!...On to the task at hand!!

So after my last blog...the one about Lord Rivers and his crew of weez, I was hoping to rest a bit, absorb that one album over the course of a few weeks and eat a lot of salad (I'm new to the vegetarian game, and I'm lovin' it!)...this was all before I remembered that Stephen Malkmus was releasing a new album just one week later...Ali got behind Satan last week, so here I am to offer the truth about "Face the Truth", the new record by one of the most mind blowingly interesting songwriters on the planet, the one and only MALK!

Stephen Malkmus was the principle songwriter of the most important band from the nineties (I love Nirvana, but record sales don't matter in the world of the cam, and Slanted and Enchanted was a more articulate, more indirectly melodic record, without the Butch Vig polish). Pavement was a quiet band (not musically, but socially), they existed for those who had taste, and were lazy enough that the mere thought of being on a major label was too daunting (and for Bob Nostanovich, Pavement's percussion, keyboard player, utterly impossible to fathom). Pavement was essentially the intestinal fluid of the modern rock revolution,you didn't always notice it was there, but everytime it leaked you could sense its importance. I don't think a week passes where I don't listen to one of the five pavement albums, or one of Stephen's two previous solo records, S/T and Pig Lib. The lazy pop that Stephen has created has been embraced by the anti-pop kings of Radiohead (Pavement's last record was produced by long time radiohead collaborator Nigel Goderich), and fellow lazy haze noise popsters Sonic Youth.

Basically Face the Truth picks up where Pig Lib left off and the second track "It Kills" sounds like it was taken from Pig Lib's cutting room floor. The album weaves in and out of two distinct styles, every odd numbered track is an experimentation in Malkmus' sonic limits, while all even numbered tracks are essentially recognizable Malk tunes, beefed up with a little more ambitious guitar work and a more direct melodic tone.

The album opens with "Pencil Rot", which immediately grabs the listeners attention with its over the top introductory drum machine loops and dirty distortion. The song wanders before finding its place (pavement fans will notice an immediate feeling of nostalgia, this song has a slight Wowee Zowee feel to it with its loose arrangement and utterly obscure lyrical references). We can see Stephen searching for his lost youth, this song is his first since Wowee where the singer/songwriter has allowed his early nineties snark to slip through the cracks of adulterated responsibility. On "Freeze the Saints" (undeniably Stephen's most beautiful song to date), we see the return of the softer side of team Malk, not unlike "Church on White" from his solo debut, only with a much more adorable vocal charge and, for the first time on any Stephen song, seemingly accessible lyrics (although I'm sure the song isn't merely about Stephen's romantic interest in a female...unless it's a female walrus). "Kindling for the Master" sounds like a song off of Radiohead's Amnesiac if Thom Yorke liked camping as much as he likes surfing the internet. The best song on the album is also the most "Pavement" of all the songs on the record. "Post-Paint Boy" sounds like the daughter of Crooked Rain Crooked Rain's "Gold Soundz", a song perfect for summer drinking, love making, and drug taking. The bubbly guitars and simplistic arrangement lets the lyrics flow and take centre stage, this is a song Stephen wants you to take notice of, musically and linguistically.

The rest of the album is full of experimentation, justification and sonic suffocation. Stephen doesn't want you to call him, email him, or take his photograph; he wants you to rest, relax, smoke a joint and drink a Guinness in the August sun.

Face The Truth

Lyrical gems:

"Let me out of my head, in my bed; there's a lovely leather brown poison"

"Please deform me, Please deform me"

"Rationalized confusion, memento morial"

"spare me your contrarian thaw"

"In shocking White, too light for light."

" More like heaven, angel food rot"

"Belarus Biennial, you surely surely made them 'wow'"