customer service hell, and commodity goods pt.2

today's commodity good is my favourite commodity good of all... rolling papers. yesterday i went to the tattoo parlour / head shop across the road from my work and picked up a bunch of papers, cos i ran out of the papers that i brought home from france. this got me to thinking about my favourite brands of papers. the selection at my little shop across the street is limited, which is kinda sad. in france, every single little store sells king size OCB slim papers, which are stellar papers. nice and translucent-thin, but substantial enough that they burn really evenly, even when they're rolled into my bigass cones. cos see, in my cones, because of the shape, there's sections where there's just one layer of paper, and other sections where there's more than one layer overtop. the slimness of the OCBs eliminates some overlap, and the papers themselves burn really evenly. no canoeage.

yesterday i bought a packet of rizla silver kings, which are excellent papers. the only problem is that they're kind of wide - i used to not buy slims cos i didn't think they were wide enough, now i actually find that full-width papers don't burn as nicely. the other issue i've got with them is that they're not really full length - they're easily a half-cm shorter than your average king size papers. for my cones, that translates to quite a chunk of lost length. which is irritating. i also bought a pack of kulu kings, which are some of my favourite papers. nice and white, and thick enough to burn slowly without a harsh paper taste. aside from the three papers i've mentioned, the only other brand that i'll use is smoking; smoking blues burn as well or better than the OCB's. zig-zags? don't make me laugh. and i can't remember the last time i've bought a pack of papers that wasn't king-size. regular length joints are a distant memory.

in other news, i'm at work again. so i'm getting paid to write this post. what do you think of that, hypothetical audience?? currently i'm sitting next to the single most annoying person in the world. he's this chunky radio broadcasting student who is so spectacularly nerdy that even i never could have measured up. even in my days of playing wargames with miniatures, i would have thought this guy was a dweeb. he is currently in the process of discussing in-depth the merits of our employer's (toyota) decision not to offer a station wagon model. he, like, takes this job seriously. and reads books that have fights involving wizards and dragons and shit on the cover. i'm thinking i'll stab him with a pen or something. i'll just tell him that a wizard made me do it. with fairy magic.

one guy called me today to check for recalls on a serial number for a vehicle that is presently in Iraq. apparently it wasn't an American vehicle so he didn't know what to do. it wasn't a canadian vehicle either, so it looks like he was up shit creek, recall-wise. but it's like, dude, you're probably getting rocket-propelled grenades fired at you left and right, and living in constant fear of getting suicide-bombed by every brown guy you walk past on the street. fuck, for all you know you're gonna get kidnapped and have your freaking head chopped off, and you want to know if there's a recall on your vehicle? who the fuck is gonna perform the damn recall anyways?! somehow i doubt that there's a toyota dealership in Baghdad. or maybe there is. "Colonialism got you down? Have your car fitted with explosives today, and get on your way to banging virgins with Allah! Only $499.99 for a limited time only!"

and not that i'm mocking you, oh foreign reader, but i really have to mention this, cos it's sheer comedy gold. read the email i got today:

"Brilliant boy, what do you mean interest: little boys.
I'm slightly confused. Is that like I want to teach
kids?
Or in a sexualual interest. or just to be funny?
And one more question... what is the legal consent age
in Canada? Please reply."

well, the answer is d. all of the above. because by pursuing my sexualual interest in little boys, i'm really teaching them such values as: long-term post-traumatic stress disorder, hatred of all male figures, and perhaps perpetuation of the cycle of abuse. plus, i think it's funny when they go crazy and end up killing their therapist/lover in 15 years.

please note, watchful panopticon of the state, that was, in fact, a joke. i'm not really interested in boys, be they little, big, or medium. i just like to say offensive things in profiles.

and that's my story for today.