on things i said i wouldn't do.

it's funny how some people make you do things oddly.

today i did two things which do not gibe with my general agenda for life.

1. i wore a scarf, and a furry-collared jacket. i colour-coordinated spectacularly, and looked like a total metrosexual fuck.

2. i went to starbucks, and purchased a peppermint mocha. peppermint mocha!? what the fuck, commodity fetishism in hot-faggy-beverage form.

3. i purchased a drink for a girl with whom i have no foreseeable chance sleeping. i'm talking none. and i feel like, indirectly, this girl is responsible for the previous two.

ah, some things just never change.

see, it might seem like #3 there is kind of an asshole chauvinist thing. ok, it's not. seriously ... because i love feminist theory, queer theory, all of that. but female practice and the stuff spewed out by the intelligentsia are two vastly different things.

i used to be nice.... cos, i figured, logically, that's what would work. but being nice got me nowhere, and i stood by and watched as asshole guys picked up the girls i obsessed over. so, while some overly friendly nerd types just dealt with this in their mopey way (which i did, let me tell you i did too) .. i just decided to become an asshole guy. cos it's way more fun, and, well, it does the proverbial trick.

so, ok, i'll be nice when it's called for, and/or when i feel like it. but to the elided différance that is the female population as a whole, you showed me you didn't want me to be nice, so i changed.

word! but i still do things like that troublesome #3.

oh, well.

i remember i said this wasn't going to be all emo, and about girls, and so far way too much of this blog has been. if not emo, at least, about girls.

must... think... about... something else.

right now i'm thinking about castration, to be fucking honest. like ... i need to overcome my raging hormones somehow. christ! i think freud was right after all. (though he was an old fuck, and i'm a 19-year old boy. you'd think he'd have gotten over the banging-all-the-time thing? i hope that i will! fuck.)

next time i post, it will be about something different.

fuck.