girls creep me out...

this slurpee that i'm drinking right now ... sucks. it tastes faintly of disinfectant, and i just want to slap around whoever was involved in the cleaning process for the slurpee machine, and whoever consequently screwed a poor university student out of a $1.75.

so, i went to the bar last night, and basically got swarmed by girls.

(?!???!?)

like, honestly, i will never understand this world. some nights, i go out, and it's basically just a festival of awkwardness. i really just can't talk. and people don't talk to me. that's just how it works.

and others ... it's like i have a damn fan club. it should be noted that i personally don't do much of anything differently. mostly, i just stand there, quiet as usual. i don't do any of the traditional predatory male shit. but when i get shamelessly hit on, i hit shamelessly back. like, i'm talking, SHAMELESS.

last night, it should be noted, that i wasn't particularly interested. i just wanted to have a couple beers and hang out with my friends. it was really just flirting for the sport of it. alot of the girls from my faculty were there. seemingly so interested by the fact that i'm an enormous baker, and hilariously smarter than they are. it should be noted, that i'm hopelessly judgmental about everyone in my year, and am an asshole to all these girls when they're not drunk. i still am an asshole when they're drunk, just more subtly, in ways they're too drunk to notice.

oh, university is weird. i never would have thought that talking in class and getting the weird shit that we learn would get girls to talk to me? (and/or hang off me. girls don't hang off nerds! it's not how it works) see, girls, i can smoke huge quantities of dope and still be smart without working hard. but you got the social skills, and i didn't. you win some, you lose some. sometimes i wish knowledge was sexually transmitted. it'd equalize things.

bars creep me out almost as much as girls who talk to me. it's just so damn predatory. why can't people just enjoy themselves at bars, and be more rational about who they sleep with. instead, it's, go to bar, get hammered, and essentially go out cup in hand begging for sex. i can't fucking do that, it's disturbing, and weird, and totally not enjoyable. knots of greased-up guys scanning the room beer in hand trying to figure out who they'll take home freak me out. although to be honest, i'm reminded of kristeva ... the freaking out is, i think, in reference to a perceived threat which comes not from without, but from within. the creepy greasers disturb me so much, probably half because i wish i was as confident as they were (but not as big of a tool), and half because they're really just doing in an exaggerated way what i'm doing much of the time i go out.

that being said, i had a blast last night. sarcastic and ironic flirting is the only kind that i can do, i think.

reminded of chris bachelder. "You can't be a little bit pregnant, or a little bit dead. Can you, friend, be a little bit ironic?"

once you give into the sarcastic cynicism trap, sincerity is but a distant memory.

i woke up this morning and there was toothpaste and a toothbrush in the shower...looks like someone was in a rush, ha. i think my roommate probably overslept and was late for work. i'd be shocked if he had been in any state to set an alarm before he passed out.

and i can't resist this disinfectant slurpee. uuughhh.

this guy just called me (i'm at work, i work for a certain japanese auto maker's customer service line ... hurl) ... he was advised earlier today that he would have to go talk to management at his dealership. apparently, the managers "ganged up on him" (his words) and now he is charged with criminal mischief under $5000. wtf !??! what did you do, you crazy old polish man?! i am so interested to find out what happens with his file.

ok, i've just wasted an hour of time in which i should be studying. onward, and upward.